By Andy Harris, WSOE Sports
NL Central, Preseason Prediction:
1.) Chicago Bear Cubs
2.) Cincinnatuh Reds
3.) Milwaukee Brewers
4.) St. Louis Pujols
5.) Pittsburgh Pirates
6.) Houston Colt .45s
NL Central, Current Standings:
1.) Saint Louis Pujols
2.) Chicago Bear Cubs
3.) Houston Colt .45s
4.) Milwaukee Brewers
5.) Cincinnatuh Reds
6.) Pittsburgh Pirates
-What I did right:
I literally got nothing right. Not one team is currently in their predicted position. I quit. This will be my final blog post. I’ll soon be moving to Vegas where I’ll play roulette for 10 hours a day until I’m broke. At least there every outcome has an equal chance of occurring. And at least if I’m right I get paid. Come to think of it, why am I not there now?
Alright, here’s my pitiful attempt to salvage what’s left of my credibility by making excuses:
I underestimated the wisdom of the sage Dave Duncan. The Cardinals pitching coach has done me in once again. EVERY year I see that the Cardinals rotation is held together by Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter’s UCL, and three dudes who simply have arms. Every year I write them off in March because they don’t have enough pitching. And every year Dave Duncan makes me look like a fool. How did Kyle Lohse post an ERA of 3.78 last year? Dave Duncan. How does Joel Pineiro have an ERA of 3.20 right now? Dave Duncan. He deserves a Cy Young Award more than any pitcher ever did, because he turns scrubs into workhorses every single year. And makes me look like a fool while he does it.
Underestimated Albert Pooholes. Long story short, I forgot that he’s a deity. I didn’t think he’d be able to totally carry an otherwise mediocre lineup solely on his shoulders. Seriously, take the big Poo off this team and they’re ranked 12th in the NL in runs scored. Dude’s insane.
…Forgot…that the Cubs…would…not do…honestly, I don’t know (IDK, if you will) what went wrong here. Well I do, actually, but I don’t see how I could have seen it coming. The Cubs have been blindsided by injuries and ineffectiveness by those left healthy. The lineup that led the NL in runs last year is currently 15th. Seriously. A-ram-ram has been injured since April, Derrek Lee sucked before mid-June, Soto has been soso (I’m really sorry, I try to avoid awful Matthew Berry-esque jokes like that) Alfonso Soriano has played like a 37-year-old Dominican posing as a 33-year-old Dominican, and Milton Bradley is continuously proving last year was a fluke. And yet…I can’t help shake the feeling this team will turn it around, and soon. D. Lee is pulverizing the ball, A-ram-ram is finally healthy, and Soriano ALWAYS has a hot streak in the summer (even if he is secretly 37). Going out on a limb here, I’ll say they win the Central. It’s a weak division and despite everything, they’re still only 2 games back, and now in second. They’re due for a hot streak…and they’re already starting to surge. A bit. Baby steps.
Underestimated Wandy Rodriguez. Yes, there’s actually a real person who’s named Wandy. No, their last name isn’t “[sic].” Without him, Houston would be in last place in the central.
Things I mildly got right:
-Milwaukee being mediocre. (47-45, allowing more runs than they’ve scored)
-Pittsburgh wouldn’t be the least talented team in the division. Yes, I know they’re in last. But they’re better than Houston and Cincinnatuh. Look up their respective Pythagorean records if you don’t believe me.